Every now and then I get trapped into anxiety, and every time figuring the way out is just as nebulous as it was before. It's like my mind cannot see what my wiser mind knows, and it needs to reinvent the old solution. I thought I'll type out what helps me, and perhaps next time my attention stumbles upon it and I can avoid going through the motions of unnecessary ruminations.
Anxiety colours the subjective world to fit its agenda. It sells it's views so well because there's a strong feeling to accompany it. I feel like I'm helpless against the formless dread looming in the horizon so I must be, and my mind is filled with messages that supports that conclusion. It feels true, and that's often enough to convince me. My rational mind can try to steer me all it wants, but it can never talk to me with the same conviction as the current feeling can.
Anxiety often puts me in a reactive position instead of proactive. I feel like I'm nailed in place, nervously preparing for something. I cannot do anything or focus on anything else, because I might miss that something happening and then I am fucked. It's so convincing while you're in it, too. You may have vague memory of how misguided you are because there are times you have not felt this way and that felt perfectly rational too, but it's not enough to break you out of the anxious illusion.
What I hate the most about the anxious state is that it sells me the idea I need external support, but relying on external support is acting in accordance of the claim anxiety makes - you are not enough, you are helpless against it. I'm not saying it's wrong to seek out support when you're anxious. It's just for me it seems to make the problem worse in the long run when there's no real reason for feeling helpless.
What I've found to help me is things that make the immediate future something that is in my own control. It starts by sitting down and meditating, and that forces the mind to stop squirming away from the uneasy feeling and figure it's shit out. After this small opening occurs, I'll write down my plan for the next day. It becomes possible to do with the conviction that was so difficult to have during anxious ruminations. It just comes from a different place. This is a complete hunch, but I wonder if doing makes the prefrontal cortex to wrest control from the amygdala. It feels like the following dialogue takes place: "You are nervous because you don't know what will happen and when, so let me tell you what will happen and when, and you can be sure it will happen because I will make it happen."
As a side note, I'm really grateful for myself for all the crazy self-discipline shit I did a while back. I don't think I could trust myself to have things done if I didn't have that period in my life. The anxiety would not go away if deep down I knew I wouldn't do what I said I would. So, building such rapport appears to play a role. You can't stop feeling helpless towards the whims of the world if there is no part of you that you know you can rely on.
Once I've my next day planned out, it's time to commit. The anxiety should have dissipated at this point and given you more room to move around, and it's important to stay true to the promise. If you don't, chances are the anxiety seeps back because the world is not this predictable place you claimed it was and you are not in control. For future reference, I basically told myself I would clean and cook. I picked those because they directly contribute to everyday living, and cleaning has the byproduct of making my environment feel less noisy. Visual noise contributes to this restless, unclear feeling I tend to have, and making my environment as austere as I possibly can will come with a positive effect to my internal state.